*Sigh* It’s Not Easy

You had it all planned out since kindergarten; first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage. You quickly realized that the process wasn’t that easy. You’ve gone through one too many lies and let-downs and you’re at the point where you can do without the chase. You gave it up too soon, you said “I love you” too quickly, you claimed a sign before you received confirmation. I’ve been there a time before and maybe even more.  Now you’re in a place in life where you don’t believe real love exists, you reaaallly want to believe that…but you know better,  and that’s why you’re still hoping and whispering inner prayers for True Love to rescue you.

First things first…

The Serenity to Accept
It doesn’t help to act as if nothing happened. That’s usually the first mistake we make when going through the process of heartbreak. Do you see broken glass and attempt to walk upon it? You have to face it in order to clean it up.   Believe that you have the strength you need to confront what happened. Did He/She cheat? Face it. Did you know better but made the wrong decision anyway? Own it. Recognize what is real about the situation.

Prayer: God grant me the peace to accept the things I can not change. In Jesus name. Amen.
Self Statement: Ok. this happened. I’m hurt. I feel rejected. I’m angry. But I won’t let this make me bitter. I will not just go through this experience, but I will GROW through it. I’m wiser now. 

The truth is the experience will hurt and will try to destroy you emotionally. Feel it, and yes even bask in the pain for a moment. It’s called an emotional purge. It’s important because once you allow yourself to feel the impact of what happened, you will be less prone to allow something like that to happen again. You’ll smell the foolishness a million miles away.

Once you accept, you must reject…
There is going to be so much trash that infiltrates your mind. Thoughts that will make you feel inferior, rejected, ugly, lonely, and more. When you face the ugly, your mind will logically try to reason the Why. Chances are, if you are anything like me you will try to take the blame for someone else’s foolery. “I’m too loud”, “I didn’t watch the signs”, “I’m not pretty enough, or pleasing enough.” Chiiiile…take those thoughts captive and audibly reject them. If it does not align with who you really are or at least who you want to be…put a foot on it.

Prayer: God, help me to see myself through your eyes. Help me to see this situation the way you do. In Jesus name. Amen.
Self Statement: I am better than this and I am better because of it. I will not let this situation control me or the way I love or think. I’m alright and I will be alright.

Usually, the hardest part… 
Forgive. Don’t roll your eyes on this one. Here me out. It is imperative to release the person from your harbored emotions. Unforgiveness is like being cuffed to a person and holding on to the key that will set you free. The truth is forgiveness is a decision. You have to power and the choice. The pain is so deep that you feel entitled to be upset, true…but you have to get over it eventually. How?…scroll up and reread until you get it. Forgive…let it go…stop replaying what happened to you over and over to feel validated…GET OVER IT. This method goes even towards the deepest wound…rape…abuse…molestation… (Now in these extreme cases…you should seek counseling in order to help you move forward with your life) I know it seems insensitive—but this post isn’t to babysit your emotions…you have the strength you need…the experience won’t cripple you if you don’t let it.

Prayer: God, I need you to help me through these emotions. I feel unjustified. Help me to let go. Help me to move forward. In Jesus name. Amen.
Self Statement: I forgive______ for ______. Say it until you believe it. Day in and day out.

Supplemental Activities but Necessary Activities
Counseling– Whether you get it from church or a licensed therapist. You need to talk it out with someone who can guide you effectively through your thoughts and emotions.

Fun- Make yourself feel good from the outside. Exercise, go to the beach, travel, dance, listen to music, hang out—do something instead of sitting in a dark room beating yourself up. For me…I get dressed like I’m heading somewhere important. When I dress nicely, I feel more confident. That’s my go-to. What’s yours?

Journal- It’s good to write down your raw emotions while everything is unfolding. There is a great satisfaction in looking back and seeing your growth from one point to another.

Church- Fellowshipping and hearing an encouraging word will lift your spirit—but I have to tell you—it’s only for a moment—you have to back it up with some of the things listed above in order to have longevity.

I really hope this was helpful in moving forward. Remember, you got this.

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